Friday, July 29, 2011

The Old Me Is Back In Full Force

I would have never imagined that I could pop a simple white pill and it would literally on the first day change everything.

For the past 2-3 months food literally disgusted me, the only thing I would crave was taco bell around 10pm to midnight.  Other then that, the thought of food made me sick.  And yes, since all I wanted was taco bell, all I really ate was taco bell once a day.  If I wasn't in the mood or too tired to drive to taco bell I would force myself to eat mashed potatoes or fettucinni alfredo or soup.  Just something easy to get down.  But one meal a day with no snacks is all I ate.  Ohh yeah and maybe a 1 liquid nutritional supplement was the most I would have a day.  So total I was probably only eating 600-1300 calories a day. I know the major reason for this appetite loss was my emotional state but even when I emotionally got to a better place my appetite never returned.  All I wanted was my old appetite back, all I wanted was my old weight back, all I wanted was to be in a range of 130-140.  But no matter what I could not get past 126 lbs.

Today is the morning of day 4 so I will describe the past 3 days.  Mind you I am now 129-131 lbs in just 3-4 days.   Remember I started at about 124-126 lbs. INSANE!!!! I have been taking my pill right after dinner, number one because that is when I remember to take it, and number two I think thats the perfect time for increased appetite so that I can go in for seconds or snack for the rest of the night.  You might probably assume I am lying when I say, from the moment that pill hit my stomach I wanted to eat and drink infinitely more.  The first night I had some Jamaican soup I wont even say what it was because it might gross you out.  Then all night I ate literally packs and packs of crackers, both saltine and ovaltine crackers along with glasses and glasses of juice.  Also 2 liquid nutritional supplements (trying hard to stay away from soda this time)  Then I fell asleep in the middle of a tv show at 10pm and that is really early for me.  So yes, I was very tired.  But none of this is new to me because eating until my belly is extremely full usually makes me tired anyways.  When I gained weight without pills I felt the exact same way.  Day 2 I ate an entire box of small Ledo's pizza which isn't all that small.  Then once again I ate packs and packs of crackers and juice....I need to go grocery shopping.  I haven't had this type of appetite in a while, so all I can really find to eat is crackers lol.  Lastly I ate 2 liquid nutritional supplements.  Then day 3 which was yesterday. I ate cinnamon toast crunch cereal for breakfast. (first time in months having an appetite for breakfast YAY) Dinner I had Subway foot long BBQ pulled pork which I did not like by the way. But ate the whole thing.  Then I ran back and forth to the kitchen trying to find something else to eat, and I was out of ovaltines which is what I wanted.  Then I wanted brownies, and had none of those.  Finally I found strawberry icecream and had that with a chocolate ice cream cone. YUM!! I also had half a pack of saltine crackers and tons of juice.  Ended the night with 2 liquid nutritional supplements.  Before I went to bed the scale read 131...OMG.  Woke up this morning and the scale said 129 lbs.  So there you go that is my new range :)

Now I do not even feel the need to count my calories because I eat and snack so much I know counting the calories is not even necessary.  But once I stop taking the pills I will be sure to go back to that.

Unexpected Side effects:
What I did not expect was to be this HAPPY all the time.  I do not know if it has to do with the pills, or it has to do with the fact that I am gaining weight and therefore am alot more happier about my body.  Or maybe its just because I feel like more of who I used to be before my relationship ended.  So not only was I unhappy because I lost my relationship but I think I was most unhappy about the fact that my relationship with food changed, and I had lost all the weight I had gained and maintained for the most part of 3 years.  It frustrated me that I had no appetite, and had to force myself to eat everyday for 2-3 months.  Imagine having to force yourself to do something everyday that is a requirement to living.  And I knew that wasn't who I am and I knew that was not my normal relationship with food and to know that the stress from an ended relationship did that to me, mad me that much more upset! I was most unhappy about the fact that to me my body looked sickly and people actually noticed....especially when I was 122 lbs.  One of my friends who had never seen me skinny because I did not know him before I had gained weight kept asking what happened, he couldn't understand how it was possible for me to lose so much so fast.  When I was 126 lbs I looked fine I guess, but that still wasn't the body type that I want.

I am so joyful, and nothing and no one can take this way.  I am also confident I will beable to maintain my weight once I am done with the 60 days of pills since I have been bigger prior.  If I gain more then I was prior I just assume I will lose that, but hopefully beable to maintain a range of 136-140 since I was that before without pills.  Love Yall!!!!!  (Measurements and Pics coming soon!!!!!!!!)


  1. I'm happy for you girl! :) Keep packing on pounds! I think I'll try those pills also...

  2. *happy dance for you*....i told ya you'd gain *wink*